Take Me or Leave Me
by WhiteCrow10
Summary: Celty and Shinra are celebrating their wedding and are trusting Shizuo and Izaya to stay in line. But when Izaya goes too far, he and Shizuo burst into song. Parody of "Take Me or Leave Me" from Rent. Crack-fic/song-fic thing.


**Once upon a time, I was listening to Broadway musical soundtracks on my iPod and I came across the Rent soundtrack. One of my favorites (cause I can't choose just one!) is Take Me or Leave Me, performed by the characters Maureen and Joanne (Idina Menzel and Fredi Walker). So as I listened to the song, I immediately thought of two characters that had the same dysfunctional relationship as Maureen and Joanne do in "Rent" (if you get rid of the flying vending machines, of course). Therefore, this one-shot came into being. I based how this went on the movie version of Rent, where Maureen and Joanne break up at their engagement party. However, I changed it a bit, making the setting Celty and Shinra's wedding reception and adding some extra dialogue to add more meat to the one-shot. I had so much fun writing this crack-filled... whatever it is. I hope you all enjoy it. =)  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Durarara or Rent.  
**

Take Me or Leave Me

A Durarara one-shot

It was a lovely and peaceful day in the city of Ikebukuro. Birds were singing, the sun was shining, and the blossoms on the sakura trees were in full bloom. All in all, it was a wonderful day to get married which, in fact, was what two people in the Japanese city were doing that day.

Celty Sturluson and Shinra Kishitani had finally been wed in holy matrimony in a private wedding that included only their closest friends and family. The ceremony had gone off without a hitch and hopefully, the reception would run as smoothly. There were only two teeny, tiny problems…

Those problems were named Izaya Orihara and Shizuo Heiwajima.

Both of them, being friends of the couple, were invited to the wedding and as everyone in Ikebukuro knew, having Shizuo and Izaya in the same room is just asking for trouble.

However, Shinra had assured his future wife that since the two were now dating, they wouldn't cause any trouble throughout the entire ceremony. Celty was skeptical but decided not to protest against Shinra's decision and the two were invited.

Before the wedding started, Shinra had approached Izaya and told him not to cause any trouble during the wedding and the reception. Celty had done the same with Shizuo, although she had told him to ignore Izaya if he tried to cause trouble (because we all know who the troublemaker in the duo was). The two men had promised the bride and groom that nothing would come up and that they would behave during the ceremony.

The two of them remained true to their word and sat through the wedding, holding each other's hands and not making a single sound. The wedding ended and the reception began shortly after, everyone moving to the reception hall of the hotel they had rented. As Celty and Shinra walked along, the dullahan spotted Shizuo and Izaya in the crowd, wearing their usual garb despite the formal occasion. Izaya was holding onto the blonde's arm as they walked close together, a picture of subtle affection. Still concerned, Celty tugged on her husband's arm to get his attention.

"What is it, Celty?" Shinra asked and the dullahan pointed at the two ahead of them. He immediately picked up on what was bothering her. "Oh, you're still worried about them, aren't you? I'm sure everything will be fine. They promised, after all."

Celty nodded. _I guess he's right… _she thought and the two walked off to the reception.

As they walked into the reception hall, Celty recognized many a familiar face. Of course, sitting at one table were Izaya and Shizuo with their respective siblings. At another table sat Kadota and his small gang and just across from them sat Mikado, Masaomi, and Anri. Near the front of the hall sat Shingen Kishitani and his wife, Emilia. Shinra's father hadn't bothered taking off his mask, still insisting the air in Tokyo was still too dirty to breathe, but had come to his son's wedding as a proud father. The newly-weds made their way to the front of the room and everyone fell silent, all eyes on the two.

"Hello, family and friends," Shinra smiled. "I'm so glad that all of you were able to make it on such a special day. In fact, we're both so happy that you all were able to come and share what will be our most treasured memory." He reached over and took Celty's hand, smiling sweetly at his wife. "Thank you all for being here and with that said, please go ahead and enjoy yourselves. Let's make this a day to remember!"

All of the guests clapped and the newlyweds took their seats as people started to get up to get food or drinks. Izaya departed from Shizuo's side and made his way over to the bar, asking for a glass of red wine. As everyone started to get up and walk around, Shizuo walked over to where Celty was to congratulate both of his friends.

"Congratulations," the blonde said to his friend with a small smile. "I'm glad that you and Shinra were able to do this. I hope you'll both be happy."

Celty nodded and looked around for her PDA so that she could respond to her friend. Across from her, Emilia reached into her purse and pulled out the dullahan's PDA.

"Here, Celty-san," the blonde woman smiled. "I held onto it for you, with respect!"

The dullahan nodded in thanks and took the PDA, standing up to face Shizuo.

'Thank you,' she typed. 'I hope you and Izaya get to this point as well.'

"I'm not sure about that…" Shizuo sighed.

'Why not?'

"Celty, you know how Izaya is," the blonde explained. "He can't really stay in one place for a long time. There are times where I'll catch him flirting with someone else and he'll just give me some bullshit excuse like 'Shizu-chan, I have to love all humans and not just you' or something along those lines. Sometimes, I just don't know how long it will last…"

'Are you sure?" Celty asked. 'You two seem pretty close…'

"But we're dysfunctional at times," Shizuo sighed. "I _do _love him, Celty, but sometimes, Izaya is quite the handful…"

'Sometimes?' the dullahan asked and the smoke coming from her neck jittered, signifying laughter. 'You shouldn't worry about it too much, Shizuo. I think that Izaya genuinely cares for you and despite how he's acted in the past, I believe that he loves you as much as you love him.'

"I supposed you're right," Shizuo smiled with a small chuckle. "I shouldn't worry too much about things like that…"

'That's the spirit,' Celty said. 'How about you get a drink and relax a bit?'

"Good idea," Shizuo smiled and turned to walk over to the bar. He froze, his eyes focusing on the man already standing there.

Izaya was leaning casually on the bar, a glass of wine in one hand and his eyes focused on the face of the server. His unoccupied hand was positioned near the server's hand, his finger suggestively rubbing circles on the other's skin. His mouth was moving slowly, lips forming words meant to make the server pay attention to him as he used his seemingly endless amount of charm. Shizuo let out a low growl and turned back to Celty, his face deadly serious.

"Excuse me for a moment…" he muttered from between clenched teeth and stomped over to where Izaya was.

"You know, you have very nice hands…" the informant giggled to the server. "Nice hair too. You're just so, so, soooo good-looking…"

The server, not really knowing how to react, nodded slowly and inched away. As Izaya fixed the poor man with another flirtatious look, Shizuo came over and grabbed the informant's elbow.

"Oh, Shizu-chan!" Izaya smiled, slightly loopy from the two glasses of wine he had downed. "Nice to see you."

"A word?" Shizuo asked, his voice even and serious.

"Sure, sure…" Izaya shrugged and waved at the server as they walked off. "Bye~!"

"What is with you?" Shizuo hissed to his boyfriend as they stopped a few feet away from the bar. "What were you doing over there?"

"Now, now Shizu-chan, I know what you were thinking," Izaya said. "I assure you, we were just talking."

"Talking?" Shizuo spat as the informant took another sip of wine. "Please, define that term for me because I'm pretty sure that talking does not involve draping yourself all over someone else!"

"We were just talking," Izaya insisted, taking Shizuo's hand. "Come on, Shizu-chan…"

"Please, Izaya… don't start this today," the blonde sighed. "I already promised Celty that there wouldn't be any problems."

"And there won't be," the ebony haired man assured him. "I promise, we were just talking. You shouldn't get jealous every time I start talking to a good looking man or woman."

"I wouldn't get jealous if you kept your hands off of every good looking man or woman you came across!"

Izaya's amused expression slowly fell from his face and he let out a long sigh. Looking to his left, he tapped the shoulder of Saburo Togusa and handed his glass of wine to the man.

"Excuse me but would you hold this for a second?" Izaya straightened up and looked the former bartender straight in the eye, folding his arms over his chest. "You know, Mr. Fortissimo of Ikebukuro, I have had it."

"Excuse me?"

"You're just so demanding!" the informant scoffed. "I haven't said a single thing about what I want from this relationship and instead, I've been listening to you. I didn't meet with that yakuza group because you thought it was too dangerous. I didn't get to stay out late at the club downtown because you were tired and wanted to go home."

"You were flirting with the women in rubber!" the blonde hissed under his breath, noticing that everyone in the room was watching now.

"Is that what this is about?" Izaya spat, his feathers obviously ruffled by now. "Why are you always so possessive? Just face it, there will always be women in rubber flirting with me! Give me a break!"

A tense silence settled throughout the room and everyone patiently waited for the blonde's reaction. All Shizuo did was stand there, glaring at Izaya who had crossed his arms smugly over his chest. Shinra grabbed Celty's hand and mentally prepared himself for flying tables and broken bones.

However, no tables flew into the air and everyone watched in amazement as Shizuo held his temper. To everyone's surprise, Izaya was actually the first to open his mouth to give a biting remark. But unlike usual, his words did not come out in a snarky tone accompanied by a smirk. Instead, he started to sing.

Surprised? Don't feel alone; everyone else was too. In fact, a few people thought he had too much wine but it can't be told how it happened but the fact was that Izaya Orihara had randomly burst into song.

Shinra then cocked his head to the side. "I… I think I hear a piano playing…"

"Every single day, I walk down the street," Izaya sang, ignoring all the other people watching him and Shizuo. "I hear people saying 'Baby's so sweet.' Ever since puberty, everybody stares at me! Boys, girls… I can't help it, baby. So be kind and don't lose your mind cause remember that I'm your baby."

The informant moved over to Shizuo and wrapped his arms around the former bartender, who still had an annoyed expression on his face.

"Take me for who I am," Izaya continued, rocking back and forth as he held onto the blonde. "Who I was meant to be… and if you give a damn…" He let go of Shizuo and spun away, creating distance between them. "Then take me, baby… or leave me."

Shizuo snorted and looked away from Izaya, not seeing the informant climbing onto the table that was proudly presenting an ice sculpture of Celty and Shinra that Walker had made.

"Take me, baby," he smiled as he slid off his jacket and placed it on the shoulders of the sculpture of Celty. "Or leave me…"

Shizuo finally looked up at Izaya and his eyes went wide. "Get down from there!"

"Who says?" the informant challenged, proudly showing off his form-fitting long sleeved black shirt. "You? I think I already established that I won't be listening to you."

"People are staring!" the blonde hissed. "Can't we talk about this outside?"

"I guess I haven't made myself clear, Shizu-chan…" Izaya sighed. "I'll have to explain all over again…" He jumped down from the table and began to sing again. "A tiger in a cage can never see the sun. This diva needs his stage! Baby, let's have fun! You are the one I choose… Folks would kill to fill your shoes." He moved closer to the blonde, hanging onto his arm. "You love the lime-light too now, baby…"

"I'm… scared of what might be in this wine…" Shinra muttered, setting his glass down on the table with a frightened look.

Izaya dropped Shizuo's arm and moved a bit away, grabbing the hem of his black shirt with his hands. "So be mine and don't waste my time crying, 'Oh, Iza-kun, are you still my baby?'" He started to pull his shirt up, revealing his pale stomach. "I'll take it off~!"

"Don't you dare!" the blonde lunged at the informant who cleverly twirled out of the way.

"Missed~!" Izaya giggled and the blonde shook his head, turning to leave.

As Shizuo began to leave the hall, Izaya smirked. This wasn't going to end that easy, oh no. The brunette followed with a chuckle and so did most of the wedding guests.

"Take me for who I am, who I was meant to be," Izaya sang as he followed Shizuo. "And if you give a damn, take me, baby, or leave me!"

The blonde turned sharply to the right, headed towards a flight of stairs. Izaya, of course, followed. He wasn't going to give up on this one, no way.

"Should… should someone stop them?" Mikado Ryuugamine asked timidly.

"No way, man!" Masaomi Kida said with an excited grin. "This is getting good!"

"No way can I be what I'm not," Izaya continued as he positioned himself at the foot of the stairway. "But hey, Shizu-chan, don't you want your man hot?"

"I knew it…" Erika whispered from the watching crowd.

"Don't fight it, don't lose your head!" the informant belted and Shizuo stopped in his tracks. "Cause every night, who's in your bed?"

Erika fainted from blood loss and the wedding guests watched as blood leaked onto the tile.

"Did… Izaya just say what I think he said…?" Shinra slowly asked his new wife.

'I… I don't want to think about it!' the dullahan said, shaking her neck violently.

"Well? Who?" Izaya chuckled and climbed up the stairs, on all fours. "Who's in your bed?" He hugged Shizuo's legs and then stood up, putting his face close to the blonde's. "Kiss, Shizu-chan~"

"It won't work…" Shizuo growled, pushing Izaya's face away. "You pull this every single time we get in a fight. You'll pull a cute face or try to make a move on me and I forget all about it. This time, it's going to be different."

"Oh?" Izaya smirked. "How so?"

"I won't accept you as the victim!" the blonde responded. "Have you thought about how much you appreciate me? I'm working hard every day to put food on the table _and _to give you as much attention as _absolutely_ possible! And what do I get from you? I get all of this!" He waved his arm around. "You need to know what I have to deal with!"

"And what exactly is that, hmm?" the informant challenged.

"Please don't sing, please don't sing, please don't sing…" Shinra prayed under his breath.

"I look before I leap. I love margins and discipline," Shizuo sang. "I make lists in my sleep, baby… What's my sin?"

"Dammit…" Shinra cursed under his breath.

"Never quit, I follow through," the blonde continued, putting an arm around Izaya's waist. "I hate mess but I love you. What to do with my impromptu, baby?"

Izaya snorted and batted the arm away from his waist, looking thoroughly unconvinced.

"So be wise, cause this man satisfies," Shizuo placed a hand on Izaya's hip and immediately, the limb was batted away. "You've got a prize, so don't compromise!" He tore the bow tie from his neck and un-buttoned the collar of his shirt. "You're one lucky baby! Take me for what I am!"

"A control freak…" Izaya sniffed as Shizuo began to walk back down the stairs, following the blonde slowly.

"Who I was meant to be…"

"A snob, yet over-attentive…"

"And if you give a damn…" Shizuo turned back to face the informant, eyes challenging the informant to say another word.

"A loveable, droll geek!" Izaya spat, the smirk leaving his face.

"Take me, baby, or leave me!"

"An anal retentive!"

The two, both thoroughly steamed, left the hall and stormed into a nearby billiard room. The wedding guests, of course, followed, interested to see the outcome.

"That's it, the straw that breaks my back!" Shizuo sang as they entered the billiard room. "I quit unless you take it back!"

"Men!" Izaya spat. "What is it about them?"

"You can't live…" the two harmonized. "With them or without them!"

The two stormed over to the pool table, slamming their hands down on each side to glare across at each other.

"Take me for what I am, who I was meant to be!" the blonde demanded.

"And if you give a damn…" Izaya continued as they circled around the table, switching to the shorter sides.

"Then you'll take me, baby…" Shizuo sang as Izaya climbed onto the table, skewing the balls all over as he slinked across the green like a tiger.

"Oh, take me, baby…" the informant chuckled as he slid into the space between Shizuo and the pool table. "Take me or leave me!"

Shizuo leaned on the smaller man, causing Izaya to lean back against the table. "Take me, baby…"

The blonde pulled away with a glare and Izaya stuck his tongue out at him, a rather nasty glare on his face as well. "Or leave me…"

"Guess I'm leaving…" they said in unison, turning for the separate exits in the room. "I'm gone!"

"Congratulations, Celty and Shinra…" Izaya muttered as he pushed past the guests. "Hope it's worth while…"

The wedding guests watched them leave, endlessly confused about what just happened. Mairu and Kururi chased after their brother with shouts of, "Nii-san! Nii-san!" and Kasuka silently left the room, searching for his brother as well.

"Well… I guess that means no weddings in the future?" Masaomi joked and Mikado gave him a flick to the forehead. "Ow! Mikado!"

"Square root of three points," the other boy muttered as he dragged the blonde away.

"B-but…! My jokes are good! They deserve more than that!"

"Uhm… Congratulations, Celty-san and Shinra-san…" Anri said before following the two boys.

There was another awkward silence before Erika decided to pipe up again.

"That… that was the best break up ever!" she cheered. "Don't you think so? I mean, yeah, the yaoi is ruined but that was just amazing!"

"Okay, that's it," Kyohei snorted and started to push the girl out of the room. "Out, come on, get out!" He turned back to the newly-weds with an apologetic smile. "Congrats, you two. Sorry about _that _though…"

"We'll be fine," Shinra smiled as the Kyohei's group left. "Thank you for coming!"

"Anytime," Kyohei waved before ushering everyone out the door.

"So…" Shinra said, touching Celty's hand. "That wasn't too bad, was it?"

'I guess not…' Celty sighed. 'I won't forget today though…'

"It'll be hard to," Shinra chuckled.

'Shinra?'

"Yes?"

'Let's just go home now…'

"Sure," Shinra smiled and lead his bride out the door. "So, what should we do for our honeymoon? I know we just got married but we might as well start planning now and…"

"IZAAAYYYAAA!"

Celty pulled Shinra back as a pool table flew in front of them, hitting the space where a certain informant had been standing.

"Missed again, Shizu-chan~!" Izaya giggled.

"You little bastard!" Shizuo roared and chased after the other man, the two disappearing into the bowels of Ikebukuro.

"Well… They recovered fast…" Shinra said. "They'll continue to act like this for a good month or so and then they'll reconcile, make out, and then get back together."

'Somehow, that doesn't surprise me…' the dullahan typed, feeling slightly weary. 'I just want to go home and dodge as many flying vending machines as I can.'

"I'm sure you know the way, fair lady," Shinra smiled and Celty made a gesture with her hand.

Out of nowhere, her motorbike roared up to them and pulled alongside the curb, Celty's yellow helmet sitting on the handlebars. She placed it on her neck and using her shadows, she formed a matching black helmet around Shinra's head.

'Shall we leave?'

"After you," Shinra smiled and the two of them climbed on the bike.

The newly-weds rode off to Shinra's apartment, leaving behind the chaos that was the love/hate relationship between Shizuo Heiwajima and Izaya Orihara. People watched as the bike passed by through the streets, gasping over the Black Rider's appearance. What they found most interesting was that the Black Rider was wearing a flowing, white wedding dress and there was another person with her.

Most noticeable of all, and what made people smile, was the sign attached to the back of the bike that read:

_Just married._

The End


End file.
